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David Smail

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Sep. 24th, 2010 | 05:22 pm

I'm coming somewhat near the end of the second of David Smail's double-volume reissues (4 books in all, bound as 2 trade paperbacks). I have been reading his work since August or September of 2009.

The theme that is coming up most strongly at this point is the ways in which I have felt pressured to unseat my perceptions and interpretations of what is going on in my "world." Maybe someone else knows better than I do; maybe there are higher principles to strive for; etc., etc. There is a difference between being open to other perspectives, perhaps allowing them to influence my own, and literally abandoning myself to the conflicting and contradictory needs of others who, for whatever reasons, seem to feel entitled to dominate my life.

I'm getting better at holding on to my perceptions rather than just giving them away carelessly. I'm also getting better at responding (not over-reacting) to situations in my life, even if that means that people are temporarily stunned by the suddenness and forcefulness of my opinions.

This, of course, is doing a number on my body, as all sorts of old guilt and fears of retribution, etc., come up to the surface. It also makes me feel like some kind of heretic rather than the kind of spiritual seeker I used to consider myself to be. But I think this is an important challenge at this point in my life.

OK, now it's time to meditate, and I'll see if some of the muscle tension starts to dissipate.

Om Kreem Kalyai Namaha,

vk

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