?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Closure

« previous entry | next entry »
Sep. 28th, 2010 | 06:51 pm
music: Paert: Passio

This weekend my partner spotted a memorial page to the therapist I worked with from September 2004 to March 2005. I left his practice on bad terms, as he had taken on my troubled friend as a client and it seemed he was playing us off of one another. Ultimately, the experience brought a friendship that was already in trouble to its probably inevitably painful conclusion. In a sort of Plutonian way, that might have been part of the purpose of the therapy as such.

In any event, this therapist is someone I would see occasionally out shopping in town, at my partner's church, or at social occasions related to my partner's church. After my therapy ended, he never acknowledged my presence in these situations, even when I would initiate a greeting. I considered that bad manners, and also wondered if he were so self-rejecting about the evident failure of my therapy with him that he simply couldn't step out of that role and face me as an adult who happened to know me in a professional context.

I had lots of anger and lots of hatred toward him actually (which, again, might have been a significant part of the therapy as such). I felt somewhat hurt at his unwillingness to acknowledge me after the therapy, but mainly experienced frustration that whatever he was evidently holding onto trumped the social skills I had learned growing up, of which I have sometimes (justifiably other otherwise) been somewhat proud. I have learned, in the past few years especially, that some people are so messed up that there is just no reaching them.

In any event, he had cancer and he died. He was 68. There were people who regarded him as a down-to-earth if somewhat gruff person who was not afraid to be confrontational at times. He was no New Age Pollyanna, and there were times when I appreciated that about him. I also learned that he had been a priest and his wife had been a nun. They married about 15 years ago, when they both would have been in their 50s. Evidently they had no children. Given the limitations that obtain when people spend that much time tied to the Catholic Church, he was no match for my spiritual-seeking self in terms of immediate, vivid spiritual experience. But, I guess, somewhat reluctantly, I can grant that his role in the Church may have had some meaning for some people, even if not for me so much.

So, there we are. An unresolved therapeutic relationship that ended rather badly, and a friendship connected with it that is also still unresolved. Eventually we all will die, ready or not, "resolved" or not. And so it is.

Om Kreem Kalyai Namaha,

vk

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Comments {0}