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Something that occurred to me today

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Jan. 26th, 2012 | 09:07 pm

It is becoming increasingly clear to me that, during the time when my mother was ill and up to and including the time of her death and funeral, I was preoccupied with interpersonal relationships and with a kind of intense, feeling-oriented mysticism.

Soon after her funeral, I felt a call to invest more energy in my professional work.

Then, after becoming frustrated with the political narrowness of some people in the Amma organization (and under the influence of the writings of Peter Wilberg) I began to explore political critique and more rational approaches to ethics, as opposed to the more mythic, magical, and moralistic approaches that had dominated the previous period.

As I find myself returning again and again (in bits and pieces) to the work of Alain Badiou, I am beginning to sense a general orientation toward more traditionally masculine approaches to the conduct of my life. It is as if, having "celebrated" the looming influence of my mother over the first part (most likely, more than half) of my life, I have since then been busying myself with catching up on neglected masculine pursuits.

I am feeling more focused and more competent in my role(s) at work, even as I have given up on receiving much direct recognition of the type that I had previously felt that I preferred.

As I go through the takes of the recording I did in September, choosing the ones I wish to edit for inclusion in the finished recording, I'm beginning (slowly) to feel a renewed sense of excitement about the project (which has been a long and difficult one so far).


Om Kreem Kalyai Namaha,

ak

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