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Farewells

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Feb. 25th, 2014 | 01:44 pm

The past little while has been a bit of a struggle. Outwardly I feel as if I have been striving (with some success) to stay on top of work-related issues. On an inner level, I'm not quite sure, but it feels as if I've been struggling with the knowledge that it is time to let go of some elements of my life that had become normalized--or even central--at one time or another, but that may have outlived their usefulness, or at least the specific forms in which I have previously recognized them.

Within the last day I received an invitation to present some of my research in an informal context before colleagues in the school of which my department is one part--this, after having grown accustomed to the idea that people here tend not to recognize my research as being valuable or interesting. Maybe these ideas of devaluation can be liberating in a way.

In connection with this invitation (which will be about Rudhyar) I decided to check the current planetary transits to my natal chart. It turns out that, at the moment that I check, the Sun was moving over Chiron (planetoid, or "centaur," representing the Wounded Healer) in the 6th house of my chart, which represents one's workplace, as well as issues having to do with health. This observation inspired me to give a little more space to my feelings of discomfort while yet getting on with things that I need to attend to.

Among the things I was struggling with was that I have a ticket to see White Lies in NYC tonight, but was feeling too exhausted and busy to go. I ultimately decided to forfeit the ticket and to stay local, but I also decided to listen to their albums on the way to and from work. As I listened to their first album this morning, I was reminded of the fact that I became aware of their music after going through a Joy Division phase following my mother's death. I had been looking for other "darkwave" bands, and Interpol, White Lies, and Editors were the names that came up most frequently online. As I listened to their music this morning, I was struck by how steeped their lyrics are in themes of death by accident, impending warfare, murder, suicide, mental illness, scientific "suicide missions," funerals, leaving familiar surroundings behind, etc. Typical adolescent angst themes, but in the financial and political turmoil of 2008 and beyond (their album came out in 2009), these themes seem to take on a more general significance. That and, having lived under the shadow of my mother's impending death for 5-6 years, with other deaths and losses during and since that time, the music can actually be kind of therapeutic to review, live concert or no live concert. Plus, they have a great sound and are a good-looking band. So, there you go. :-)

Peace,

KH

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Comments {3}

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Khalid Hussain

Re: your last sentence

from: khalid_hussain
date: Feb. 25th, 2014 07:26 pm (UTC)
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Haha, it means "je ne give a shit pas." If they want my work, they want it, if they don't, they don't. Actually I am making more connections outside of the university, so that part feels better. The "interest" in my work this time is instrumental, in that it fills in a gap in the schedule that opened up when someone else from another dept cancelled. This will also give my dept a chance to register participation in the "brown bag lunch" series, since one of my colleagues cancelled at the last minute last December. It's politics. It's known that I've been invited recently to present elsewhere, so it is perceived that I'm actively doing some research. So I'll do my part by playing up those aspects of the history of my work on this topic that have been funded, internally and externally. $$ attached to projects seem to give them value, since no one seems to know anything about intrinsic value around here. Maybe I'll throw in some astrology as well. :-)

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mysticactive

Re: your last sentence

from: mysticactive
date: Feb. 27th, 2014 12:23 pm (UTC)
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I see, I see :-) yes that all sounds a bit familiar to me too. I guess the 'intrinsic value' approach has been going out of style since the classical education model. :-/ I must say that the non-fuck giving approach to things is working well for me these days and I am advising it to my friends and coworkers. It seems to work well and you would be surprised how much you can do while still not giving a shit!

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mysticactive

Re: your last sentence

from: mysticactive
date: Feb. 27th, 2014 12:30 pm (UTC)
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oh and I wish you all the best in passing though this period of struggle. I have been sharing the same sorts of things as you know. Peace

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