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Impasse

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May. 14th, 2014 | 07:49 am

I feel that I am at something of an impasse right now. I also felt that way last night, when I had insomnia for a couple of hours, along with bizarre dreams when I did manage to fall back to sleep.

This morning I saw that the student evaluation of teaching reports were available for viewing. Mine weren't terrible, but I was left feeling that I am working too hard for the amount of appreciation that I get.

Students in both of the courses complained that they were being pushed too hard, and that the teaching was at too high a level. On the other hand, I still get complaints from colleagues that students are insufficiently prepared for their classes. Since I am still at the bottom of the totem pole in terms of teaching assignments, I interpret this as meaning that I have to hold the students more accountable, not less. But the students seem to want to be accommodated in their mediocrity.

At this point I have no social life, and I feel that I am barely able to maintain interest in my relationship. Virtually everyone I know seems dull and conventional in their outlook. Those with a little bit more intelligence seem incredibly phoney.

I don't feel that I'm making enough progress in my research.

I often wonder how it is that people expect me to give sincere validation, since I have received so little in my life. The only kind of validation I understand is the self-validation that comes from hard work, but hardly anyone seems interested in learning that.

Well, today, like every day, I will find things to keep myself occupied.


Peace,

kh

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