Khalid Hussain (khalid_hussain) wrote,
Khalid Hussain


In my last entry I mentioned how I had come to a point, a few years ago, when I felt as if the growth-oriented experiences I had had while in the Amma org were naturally coming to an end.

Since I posted that entry I did some astrological work and noticed that Saturn transited my Ascendant during the time when I felt a need to pull away from the org and--yes--during the time in which I discovered The Killers.

It seems to me that notions such as surrender are often interpreted in a one-sided way, as if to mean that one must always be ready to sacrifice autonomy in favor of bonding with others who will supposedly enhance one's spiritual growth in ways that cannot happen by any other means. I think there is also a pressure--I'm not sure whether this one is particularly American or not--to "get back out there" and resume the process of reaching out socially after each and every setback. (This reminds me of the old commercial for absorbent undergarments for older women: "Get back into life, with Depends!")

On the other hand, it seems to me that there are times when the surrendering that one is called upon to do involves pulling back, letting go, and finding the courage to separate (and not merely to keep reaching out in the same ways). This Saturn transit coincided with my first-ever sabbatical, and with the faint beginnings of an interest in Western philosophy. Reinvesting efforts into my professional work and reading philosophy (particularly Badiou) have continued to be themes from that time forward. There's a part of me that just can't go back to blind-faith, naive spiritual seeking. That doesn't mean that there will be no more spiritual practice, but my sense of how that fits into my life has changed, possibly permanently.

Another thing I noticed is that Saturn has been transiting my natal Neptune in the last year or so. I have experienced a more intuitive resonance with Islam than I had felt for some time. Maybe the meeting of structure-oriented Saturn and idealistic Neptune has something to do with that. I had noted some years ago that my initiation into NAJ occurred when Neptune was transiting my natal Saturn. Maybe there is a connection.



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