Khalid Hussain (khalid_hussain) wrote,
Khalid Hussain

Wounded healing

Once it became clear that Misty's health was declining and that she wouldn't be with us much longer, sources of feeling and compassion and connectedness that had seemed to be stuck began to open up again. Realizing that grief would be unavoidable, my question was not how to make it go away, but how to receive the return of feeling as fully as possible, and how to work with it and support its being around for a while.

Over the weekend I emailed the Rosen worker I hadn't seen since the end of 2010. She replied and I plan to call her tomorrow to set up an appointment.

I also picked up my copy of Atom from the Sun of Knowledge and started reading from where I had left off (the entry on Knowledge). Today someone posted on FB the audio from Hixon's session on The Open Space Beyond Religion at the Parliament of World Religions in 1993. That was interesting. I also listened to Shaykha Fariha's sohbet from last Thursday, the evening on which we said goodbye to Misty.

I'm not sure that any of these things are about comfort, but rather I see them as acknowledging that there is a part of me that--once I find myself in a place in which feelings are flowing strongly and spontaneously--would like to try to keep that flow alive and to allow it to find its place in my day-to-day life. No forcing, and no risks that don't feel right, but just the question of whether I really want to live as far away from the flow of feelings as I have done over the last few years.

I'm not sure when I have cried as much as I have during this past week. I notice that sometimes, when I feel anxiety and restlessness settling in, that my feelings tend to flow and settle down once tears come, if they do.

Naturally, I looked for astrological phenomena that might correlate to this significant loss in our family. Some precise transits involving the centaur (asteroid or planetoid) Chiron ("The Wounded Healer") seem to be correlated to Misty's final days, as well as to the time at which we adopted our cats 17 years ago. I hadn't been aware of connections between Chiron and pets, so this is something I'm beginning to look into. I found some interesting things that affected both my chart and my husband's chart, which suggests that the time that we have spent with Misty and her sister has indeed been a significant component of our relationship. (Some of these transits will recur in February and March. I'm not sure if that indicates that Taffy may leave us at that time, or if anything of significance will happen at that time at all.)

Well, it's time to pray, and I have more quizzes to grade, so I'll sign off for now.



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