Why do I bother?
On August 9 I received a request to write liner notes for a recording. An important editor and archivist from Paris recommended me for the job, and the record company contact copied her into his request to me. I was told that the notes would be needed in early September, that they didn't have much $$ to pay (no amount specified), and that recordings of the works would be sent to me early the following week. So, on top of my preparations for my residency in Utah later this month, I set about researching the pieces and listening to the recordings that I have (the promised new ones never arrived). In the interim, my husband and I went away on our 3-day vacation (the only one we have taken together in the last 4 years), then my father came to visit, meetings preparatory to the start of the academic year started to happen, the academic year started, Misty became ill and died, and I still got the fucking notes done by September 9. I sent them in. So far, no acknowledgement.
Why do I fucking bother?
Fortunately, I planned ahead and started preparations for the residency in Utah earlier in the summer. Now I'm resuming preparations for that. Along the way, I was told that the originally stated amount for the honorarium had been reduced by 20%. Maybe I should reduce my preparations by 20%.
I also wrote a proposal for a conference that is to take place in Berlin in December and submitted it ahead of the deadline, which was also in August. The promised date for notification was September 10. It is now 1 p.m. on the 11th in Berlin, and so far no notification. What the fuck, people?
Why do I bother?
Well, I have plenty to do today to get ready to go away next week. I also have an appointment to meet with a therapist this afternoon. One of the "gifts" of the unfortunate situation with Misty is that I began to feel less guilty about taking breaks from work in order to seek support for myself. I just can't find the energy to maintain "enthusiasm" for professional situations that are as unrewarding as these.