I didn't attend the Unity Mosque jum'ah online last week because I was so tired. This week there will be probably be emotional "sharing" about the shootings in NC. I'm feeling reclusive (perhaps in correspondence with the Moon entering the 4th house) and may just skip it. The price tag for attending the UM jum'ah is that I have to stay on campus longer. As it is, my afternoon will be compressed because I have astrology class this evening, and I have not yet had time to write down any impressions on the charts that the teacher gave us last week.
Yesterday in therapy I seem to have gotten to a "core issue" of "profound disappointment" with my work situation. The fact that it became clear two days ago that the position for my retiring colleague will probably not be replaced with a comparable, full-time position, may have had something to do with my overwhelming fatigue on that day.
I'm skipping zikr this weekend because my husband had made plans for us to have dinner at a friend's house before I found out what the zikr date for this month would be. (There is also a possibility of more snow, which may interfere with any plans for Saturday evening.) I'm realizing that, if I continue to pursue spiritual activities that may be of interest to me, I will need to do so on my own. I'm feeling somewhat reluctant to go through that kind of strain on our relationship again, as there is so little time left over after my work as it is. Yesterday I received an email from the tariqat about a 2-week trip to "healing sites" in Turkey in late September/early October. It's nice to know what some of their activities are, and to be included in communications about it, but unless I were to be on sabbatical, that sort of thing would not be feasible for me. Unlike the situation for the others that I have met in the tariqat, it would (again) be the kind of thing I would have to do on my own, while the others all seem to be couples or families. (In fact, that was pretty much the scenario at satsang as well.) Meh.
I recall that, toward the end of my friendship with X, I floated the idea of experimenting with a different type of household: one that accommodated periods of time away for spiritual pursuits without a) making the travel prohibitively impractical; and b) without requiring the participants to have to start all over again with looking for housing upon returning from travel. Of course, such a thing would never work with X (who was just playing me the whole time, anyway), and it was a totally senseless idea--except for the fact that it gave symbolic expression to the fact that I feel inhibited by my current situation and will probably never be able to explore interpersonal spiritual activities without struggling against the expectations that have become part of my relationship.
On the other hand, my husband's mother died at the end of February last year, and it doesn't seem that this is a good month for me to be insisting on doing my own thing, or for me to insist that if he wants to spend time with his friends (which is usually boring, and sometimes frustrating for me) that he do so on his own.
In other news, I did start looking at Bob Makransky's book on Morin (an astrologer whose work is greatly respected by a number of current astrologers) and, in browsing through the titles of Makransky's other books, I noticed that he has one on Yeats's A Vision, which is another source on the lunar mansions, which are of some interest to me.