Khalid Hussain (khalid_hussain) wrote,
Khalid Hussain

Rosen this week

I went for a Rosen appointment on Tuesday.

In general, it seems that I am connecting with my physical state, and with associated feelings, images, and memories--pretty much in that order--rather than drifting off into quasi-hypnotic states, which I seem to have done more often before. (Keep in mind, of course, that I began going for Rosen work in January 2008, so it has seen me through some stages in coming to terms with the death of my mother, with the loss of friendships in the Amma organization, with distancing myself from the Amma organization, etc.)

What came up this time is that my body tends to find a natural relationship to gravity when I am able to suspend temporarily a tendency to try to force myself into a particular mold. I noticed that I was on the brink of drifting off to sleep a couple of times, and then my body would drop to the table naturally and also spread out horizontally. At one point I had a vision of myself, momentarily free of the hovering presence of my hypervigilant mother, playing quietly and contentedly in my own way, at my own tempo. It seems that I have taken on a hypervigilant superego, perhaps out of fear that if I don't keep forcing myself to "keep it together," that things will "fall apart." When I described the feeling to the Rosen worker, I said it felt like becoming temporarily formless, like a jellyfish or octopus, rather than feeling rigidly held in place.

I think that this ties into some of the things I was writing earlier today, about letting go of certain images of how things are supposed to be in favor of doing what I can do with the resources that I have at this moment.

I think it ties in also with things I have been reading lately from Peter Wilberg about taking time to be aware, and about leaving space for awareness of oneself and of others.

It may also relate to the perspective on magic taken by astrologer Bob Makransky, a couple of whose books I've been looking at recently.



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