Moon phase: First Quarter - action
The Sun is in 3 Cancer: A cat arguing with a mouse (Sabian symbol for 4 Cancer).
The Moon is in its 15th mansion, which extends from 0 Libra to 12 Libra 51. This is the first mansion within the third seven-fold cycle of the 28 mansions.
In Ibn 'Arabi's listing, the 15th mansion signifies The Fifth Sky, Sky of Venus and House of Joseph, whose letter is ر and whose Divine Name is The Form-Giver, .الْمُصَوِّرُ
In the traditional Arabic system, the 15th mansion is known as Al-Ghafr, The Covering. Its keywords are veiling, realization of desires and wishes, hidden splendors. Its image is that of a seated man, holding various scrolls together in his hand. The angel of this mansion is Ataliel.
Overnight, the Moon will enter my 2nd house.
During the past day, I noticed that it had been 12 years since I met X and thus began my experience with the Amma group. The sense that I have now is that I am slowly healing and am trying to be open to the future without succumbing to the temptation to try to use the present and the future to "fix" the past. As surprising and as compelling as the psychic and emotional experiences were that I had after I met X, I find it remarkable that they came in the form of a sustained life review. Review is okay, but it is also possible to get drawn into fantasies of pseudo-healing that are past-oriented rather than properly present- or future-oriented. That is to say, there are certain kind of peak experiences that seem to hook into unfinished business from the past, leading one to believe that some great breakthrough is taking place, but if there isn't much more going on beyond rushes of feeling, it may very well be that one is being set up to be exploited rather than to find support for future-oriented growth. While I have not has as strong an experience of psychic imprinting since that time, I think that that entire adventure was, for the most part, a diversion from what is mainly my path in this life. Again, it's okay to take time out for review and to explore different ways of experiencing things, but after a while something's got to give--either one becomes more firmly tied to the organization in which that kind of thing happened, or one begins to focus on getting out and on reconstructing one's life.
So, I feel as if my task at the moment is to be present to myself for the purposes of healing. I'm not interested in trying to induce healing toward a particular goal, and I'm certainly not interesting in cathartic approaches right now. I think it is significant that I let go of therapy a few months ago, and that I suspended Rosen until after Ramadan, because it seems that I am now finally able to realize to some degree a desire I have had for a few years to create a space of retreat where I don't spend a lot of money going somewhere and where I reduce the amount of external stimuli so that I can experience what comes up naturally.
As I was thinking about the fact that it has been 12 years since that emotionally turbulent summer (of 2003), it occurred to me that that is the length of a Jupiter cycle. I had previously noted that I had had Jupiter crossing over my Ascendant both when I met Javad Nurbakhsh (and received initiation from him) and when I received initiation from Amma. Right now Jupiter is in the 12th house and will cross over the Ascendant three times between November 2015 and late June of 2016. It may be that there is another initiation that will take place between now and then, or perhaps some other event related to spiritual growth, or perhaps nothing that can be predicted at the moment. In tracing the transits of Jupiter over my Ascendant farther back in my life, I noticed that the first one occurred when I entered the 1st grade, and the second when I entered college. Clearly, those are significant initiatory events in one's education. The fact that there were two spiritual initiations associated with the third and fourth transits of Jupiter over my Ascendant suggests that, beyond academic education, spiritual "education" seems to be a theme for me. That doesn't mean, however, that there will continue to be spiritual initiations every 12 years, moving forward from the last one. Another thing I noticed was that, prior to the events that I just enumerated, there was a period of preparation, while Jupiter transited my 12th house. Prior to the 1st grade, there was kindergarten (when, perhaps significantly, I was invited to participate in the 1st-grade reading class for part of the day since my reading skills were advanced for kindergarten). Prior to the first year of college there was, of course, senior year of high school, when college applications are submitted. Prior to my meeting Nurbakhsh, I began to read about Sufism, starting with Idries Shah's book The Sufis. Prior to seeking initiation from Amma, I had the summer of meeting X and of being introduced to Amma at her Rhode Island retreat. Jupiter entered my 12th house recently this past fall, when I met the couple from the Qadiri-Rifai tariqat.
As a final thought, I saw two articles on my FB newsfeed recently by women who identify as converts to Islam, in which they describe their levels of engagement or non-engagement with mosque culture. There were some parallels with my experience, and the articles had the effect of encouraging me to be patient and to continue to experiment.