Khalid Hussain (khalid_hussain) wrote,
Khalid Hussain

Subota, 24 Ramazan, 1436

Planet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Saturn

Prophet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Abraham

The Sun is in 18 Cancer (in my 10th house): A prince marries a beautiful showgirl in the great hall of his family estate. After the ceremony, the couple is mobbed by well-wishers and reporters from the tabloids. (Symbol for 19 Cancer from Martin Goldsmith, The Zodiac by Degrees, 2nd ed.)

The Moon is in the 2nd decan of Taurus (in my 9th house): desire for freedom; fighting for personal space. (Keywords from Martin Goldsmith, Moon Phases: A Symbolic Key)

The Sun and Moon are still in their 22nd phase (the Moon is 90 to 60 degrees behind the Sun): The Carnival. A Chinese sage walks calmly through a fairground. He passes a brightly lit ferris wheel, a hoochy-coochy dancer, and a fakir walking down a winding path of hot coals. (Symbols from Goldsmith, Moon Phases)

In the early morning, the Sun will enter my 11th house. In the evening (just before Maghrib/Akšam), the Moon will enter Gemini (in my 10th house).

I have begun to gather some thoughts toward writing the program notes for the recital that I am preparing for September. I dug a couple of archives out of my files and listened to portions of an online audio archive dedicated to Rudhyar. It was a day of opening up space to explore the meaning of my chosen topics for me, somewhat apart from the concerns of my university or my particular academic specialty. Moments like that are still somewhat rare for me.

I went to the mosque again today. From what I could gather of the imam's khutbah, he referred to the Serb refusal to acknowledge that genocide had been committed at Srebrenica and placed this within the larger context of how Islam teaches us to treat people, and that the validity of its teachings transcends the particular interests of this or that political group. Some members of the mosque will go to the UN headquarters in NYC tomorrow to demonstrate on behalf of the resolution to recognize that genocide had occurred at Srebrenica. There will also be local events. As I mentioned previously, I'm considering going to a portion of that.

As I have been working, slowly, at astrology and as I have been reflecting on some of the feelings that have been coming up for review and possible healing during this Ramadan, it has begun to occur to me that I seem to be reconnecting with the project of trying to heal aspects of my difficult relationship with my late mother. It was she who introduced me to religion. That is to say, it was she who attempted to explain certain religious practices and concepts to me, and not my father, who has shown himself to be religiously indifferent following her death. When I am at the mosque, I observe the dynamics of the people there are speculate regarding who is likely to have emigrated because of the war, and who are likely to be the second generation immigrants. I note that the boys and young men often speak English among themselves at the mosque, whereas the older men typically speak Bosnian. My mother was second generation Slovak-Polish-American, and I am third generation on her side, since both of her parents emigrated to the States. This gives me a lens through which to view my mother's experience of being a second generation immigrant, with all of the conflicts and dislocations that that must entail. It is clearly through her side that I have acquired the greater part of my "old world" values, including a strong work ethic, a tendency toward conformity (combined with resentment over the effects that this can have on my life), a certain kind of "long-suffering" quality, etc. On the positive side, I note a desire to cultivate a sense of dignity among the people at the mosque, and I recall how important that was to my mother, even though she had to work that out within the context of limited educational opportunities and somewhat circumscribed (essentially clerical) employment situations. In any event, my penchant for religions and for Slavic languages definitely seems to come from a place of seeking continuity with aspects of my maternal lineage. When I am engaged in those things, I tend to feel more whole than otherwise.

Clearly my (mis)adventures within the Amma cult were imbued with maternal themes, although in that case the organization made demands of its own--that is to say, it was not ultimately about my healing my particularly maternal issues as much as it was about the invocation of maternal archetypes within the cult as a means to its own ends. I definitely consider the organization to be a cult, and I acknowledge that my "platonic" friendships with X and Y amounted to emotional affairs (and certainly not without their participation and encouragement). Though my painful dealing with them may have poisoned the well of my social pursuit of spiritual activities for a time, so long as there is a need for me to continue those activities in some way, I should be confident that I will find a way.



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