Prophet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Adam
Lunar phase: Crescent - Expansion (Phase names and keywords from Dane Rudhyar, The Lunation Cycle)
The Sun is in 23 Scorpio (in my 3rd house): After having heard an inspired individual deliver his "sermon on the mount," crowds are returning home. (Symbol for 24 Scorpio from Dane Rudhyar, An Astrological Mandala)
In the morning, the Moon will enter my 5th house.
As I was viewing the news feed about Paris, it occurred to me that it was timely that I finished reading Emmanuel Todd's Who Is Charlie? recently. The issues raised in his book helped me to stay focused on concern for those who died, who were injured, and who were left behind, and to look for signs of political bravado and false notions (and symbols) of unity. I have remained silent on FB, which doesn't seem like an appropriate forum for me at this time.
I had a bit of a meltdown this afternoon. My husband was waiting for me to take a break from my work and to get dressed so that we could take a walk before it got too late in the afternoon. Once I was finally ready to go, he pouted and said that he didn't want to go anymore. I experienced this as passive aggression and blew a gasket. On my way toward the stairs, on my way to tend to the laundry in the basement, I started shouting, "I fucking give up! I fucking give up! I fucking give up!" It actually felt good to let off some steam from the pressure of working constantly (only to deal with mostly mediocre student work anyway) and of stress related to the attacks in Paris and concern over what may follow from the reactions to them.
This theme actually ties in to one I have been thinking about with respect to the astrological consultation I am scheduled to have on Friday. I had mentioned to the astrologer that I want to focus on Neptune, which is the closest planet to the Sun in my chart. In my desire to open up a space for contemplating the energy associated with Neptune, I started reading Maurice Fernandez's Neptune, the 12th House and Pisces: the End of Hope, the Beginning of Truth. There is something about the energy of Neptune that is like an ocean that is simply too vast in front of us. It can leave us feeling helpless, hopeless, defeated, drowned. But in its undertow, and in the stepping back that we can try to do voluntarily, we just might bring ourselves a little closer to a place of healing and into a space where we can reconsider how to manage the flow of energy in our lives. After we've grown tired of banging our heads against the wall in all of the familiar ways, maybe we can step back and tune in to inner guidance that can help us to move forward in slightly new ways.
There are times when I try to rail against the burdens that go along with the sensitivity and compassion that are typical of Neptune, and of the water signs (Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio) in general. But railing against doesn't bring the need for these qualities to an end, and it doesn't stop life from putting us in situations in which these qualities are called for. As I sat on the plane on my way to St. Louis and thought about the student who I had allowed to make up the work the work he had missed (despite general course policies to the contrary), I realized that that was the first time in years that I had let down my guard and allowed myself to care about someone who might need a little extra support. Of course I was concerned that I might be opening myself to being subjected to manipulation. But I also considered that, in order for my teaching to feel a little less like a drag, I might just have to take a few more risks in letting my intuition guide me. I reflected also on my solar return chart for this year, in which the Moon is in the 12th house in Cancer, the Sun is in the 5th house in Scorpio, and Neptune is in the 9th house in Pisces, forming a grand trine. That's a lot of watery energy. It seems to me that I will need to take breaks periodically in order to let my consciousness drift in the direction of intuition this year, and thereby possibly find some refreshment and some inspiration for how to move forward in perhaps slightly different ways in the future.