June 14th, 2011

Hu design

One of those nights

Last night I had insomnia for a couple of hours. Fortunately, I didn't have to be anywhere early this morning, so I was able to sleep in a bit after my body began to relax.

Among the things that occurred to me as I was trying to relax so that I could back to sleep were several situations having to do with campus. There are some things that have happened there within the last couple of months that have really offended me. Since I have had some time away from campus within the last month, however, it has been getting easier to take a broader view of some of the situations without feeling under threat of being invalidated.

In reconsidering some of these situations, I was able to conceptualize intellectually how some people may have seen me as acting against their interests without, however, pressuring myself to forgive their abusive behavior toward me. I was also able to conceptualize that, on the few occasions when I ask people for help on something and they are either unresponsive (by making me wait indefinitely for a response, by "blowing me off") or are openly hostile toward me, this does not have to be a verdict on the impossibility of my ever getting basic needs met, nor does it have to constitute proof that I deserve to be punished merely for letting slip once in a while that I may actually have needs to which I may ask others to respond. This may all sound ridiculous, but I think that these may be some of the beliefs that may have been guiding my interpretations of some of the frustrating and infuriating situations I have faced within the last few months.

OK, well I guess I'm going to try to get some things done before it gets too late.