February 17th, 2012

Hu design

I think I have succeeded ...

... in feeling marginalized and irrelevant in my career already, at the relatively early age of 49.

Actually, I think that the field I'm in has turned in more conservative directions since I have gone to graduate school.

I was encouraged when I read in Badiou's Ethics not long ago that it is typical of contemporary thought to regard the avant-garde as being passé. Badiou's in his 80s: I imagine he's been around long enough to know.

As I began to compartmentalize my attention recently--so that I could focus more effectively on writing an article on an avant-garde orchestral piece from the 1950s--I began to notice a shift in my relationship to my environment. On the one hand, I felt gratified to be engaging with my preferred subject matter, rather than resenting that so many day-to-day details were continually causing me to have to neglect it. On the other hand, I found that my day-to-day environment seemed to be even more uninteresting than it had seemed before.

Then, this week, I chanced upon a documentary online about Mark Rothko and watched it during a series of breaks from writing. That took me to a pretty deep place, which was gratifying, but it has led to my feeling wearily detached from my work environment.

And so it goes. I need to give up the idea that, some day, the things that I value will seem more relevant to people in my environment. I honestly don't think that's likely. What I need to do, however, is to focus more on devoting time and attention to things that I value.


Om Kreem Kalyai Namaha,

ak
Hu design

... And another thing

My colleagues and I were interviewing a prospective grad student.

Once again, when I relaxed a little and told an anecdote, I was "corrected" by one of my colleagues, who said we should turn our attention back to the candidate. Never mind my colleagues' irrelevant anecdotes that eat up everyone's time.

I need to remember, before the next interview, to focus on maintaining silence as much as is possible.

It's simply not worth it to let go and to try to be myself around these people.


Om Kreem Kalyai Namaha,

ak
Hu design

Mercury visits Chiron in Neptune's (and Jupiter's) home

After writing the previous entry I checked my astrological transits for today. I wasn't surprised when I discovered that Mercury (intellect, communication) passed over the location where Chiron (woundedness, wounded healer) is located in my birth chart. This is in the sixth house of my natal chart: the sixth house signifies day-to-day work as well as service and, to some degree, matters of health.

So I felt wounded when my communication was not received as I would have liked. No surprise, really.

Inflaming the situation somewhat is the fact that Chiron in the sky is closing in on its position in my birth chart. The "Chiron return" is known to occur at about age 50.

I'm also beginning to think that part of my evident disdain of aspects of my work situation may have to do with my sense that my place of work needs to be, in some respects, a sacred space. It needs to be a space for the communication of higher truths, not a place for careerist opportunism or a place for being a nerd over the latest (conservative) trends in one's profession.

Part of my disdaining a kind of hyperactive, control-oriented approach to the workplace may have to do with the fact that its sacredness is currently being highlighted by Neptune's recent entry into its home sign of Pisces, which is in my sixth house. Jupiter is in Pisces (one of its traditional home signs) in my natal chart, and eventually Neptune will meet up with my natal Jupiter in the sixth house.

So, if I am feeling pulled inward and am trying to find ways to be "on retreat" even as I remain active in my profession, it may be because some part of me is sensing that, in order to achieve a deeper degree of healing (Chiron), I need to surrender to some rather slow movements of highly spiritual entites (Neptune, Chiron) through my experience of the work place. Fortunately, all of these entities--Neptune, Jupiter, and Chiron--can be rather subtle in their manifestations, so it may not be necessary to have a severe outward break with the status quo in order to surrender to their energies. In fact, maintaining the status quo with a sense of moderate discipline may provide just the right outer cover while the necessary inner work runs its course.


Om Kreem Kalyai Namaha,

ak