July 14th, 2012

Hu design

Darshan 2012

So my partner and I took his freind to see Amma with us today.

We took things easy, which was fine with me.

It wasn't too awkward running into people that I haven't seen in a while because I haven't been going to satsang. In talking with my partner today, it seems that the last time I recall going was on Dec 31. He wanted me to go to a party with him and I wanted to go to satsang, so we compromised and he joined me at satsang and then we went to the party afterward. That's when we saw L and her friend and I learned that she had moved back to Canada. (Neither L nor I mentioned Y, which I found interesting.)

One of the things that I learned was that a couple of Western devotees at the program today hadn't been going to satsang either, and were feeling a little guilty and somewhat out of touch. It was nice to be part of that sub-crowd, so that we could work through that. My take on it is that, for some people, attendance at satsang and programs seems to go in cycles, whereas for others it's a steadier commitment. No big deal, ultimately.

I enjoyed my darshan, as did my partner and his friend. It was her first time, and some emotional issues came up afterward. That started with her feeling somewhat lightheaded, then looking for a place to sit until she felt steadier. We found a place to sit on a carpet in the snack shop area, and she had some tears as she processed whatever was coming up. Then we got our stuff together and walked to the car: no big deal.

The experience was kind of coming full circle, since she was the person who was facilitating the prayer group where my partner met X.

X was there. I spotted him several times, but we didn't make eye contact and I didn't reach out to him. He seemed to be rather unapproachable, which was fine with me. At least my partner didn't guilt-trip me about avoiding him.

In talking to one of my acquaintances from satsang, it seems that she has lost touch with a number of people in the yoga group she used to belong to. It was through that group that she first started going to see Amma.

Maybe it's the case that Western yogis (using that term very loosely) go through lots of dramas with, and separations from, their Western yogi friends. Whatever. I'm one to talk. :-)

One thing I sensed was a quieting of the impulses I used to have to try to find the optimal way of integrating the experience of being around Amma into my life. I guess the provisional answer I've settled on is, "Go see Amma if you want to, and then return to the rest of your life." It's kind of hard to identify with the sense of breakthroughs and crises I went through in the past, but maybe that's because I actually have processed some of that stuff.

Om Amriteshwaryai Namaha,