January 15th, 2017

Hu design

Ponedjeljak 18 Rebi'u-l-ahir 1438

Planet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Moon

Prophet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Adam

The Sun has passed through 25 Capricorn and is now in 26 Capricorn (in my 5th house) A nature spirit dancing in the iridescent mist of a waterfall; pilgrims climbing the steep steps leading to a mountain shrine. (Symbols for 26 and 27 Capricorn from Dane Rudhyar, An Astrological Mandala)

The Moon is at 12Vir07 (in my 12th house). Lunar mansion (according to Ibn 'Arabi): 13, Sky of Mars and House of Aaron, letter Lām, The Victorious (Al-Qahhār)

Lunar phase: Disseminating - Demonstration (Phase names and keywords from Dane Rudhyar, The Lunation Cycle)

Haindl Tarot: Strength; Number: 8; Hebrew letter: Teth (Snake); Rune: Sigil (Sun); Astrology: Leo; Element: Fire

About 2 hours ago, the Moon entered its Disseminating phase, whose keyword is Demonstration. (The Moon was at 11Vir01 in my 12th house and the Sun was at 26Cap01 in my 5th house.) About 50 minutes ago, the Moon transited my natal Pluto (in my 12th house). About 20 minutes before sabah (fedžr), the Moon will cross my Ascendant and enter my 1st house.

One of the things that has occurred to me as a result of working with Erin Sullivan's recorded astrology classes is that I began my studies of Tarot and astrology when Saturn was transiting my 4th and 10th houses, respectively. The last time Saturn was transiting my 4th house (where it is now), I was in the final stages of my full-time administrative assistant job and the university where I had gone as an undergraduate. I made the decision during that period to apply to graduate programs in music theory. When I left my job, my coworkers took up a small collection for a gift. The coworker who knew me best suggested that they give me a gift certificate to a local New Age bookstore. It was there that I purchased my first Tarot deck, the Angel Tarot. I also purchased a book there, Meditations on the Tarot. When Saturn was entering my 10th house, I had been working for a few years at my first full-time academic teaching job. The events of 9/11 triggered a conversation with a colleague about astrology, which led to my beginning to read about it with a sense of purpose that was greater than had been the case in the past. It was also around that time that I decided to try to apply for academic jobs in the northeast, and that's how I arrived at the place where I am now.

A few times since then, I have tried to find suitable instruction in astrology, but I have tended to have difficulty completing the programs, or I complete them and come away feeling that I didn't accomplish what I had hoped to accomplish.

This time something feels different. I have accepted that I will have to pursue esoteric studies in the margins of my academic work. Rather than try to turn that into some sort of quirky persona within the workplace, I am inclined to pursue my interests discreetly. I am also finding it easy--and affirming--to review material that I had read in the past, appreciating the value of the experiences I have had in the interim.

Another insight that came from listening to Sullivan's lectures has to do with pregnancy, childbirth, and the experience of being mothered. She referenced a scientific program on TV that emphasized the elements of life-and-death struggle that are involved in even normal pregnancy and childbirth. She then referenced the lunar nodes in the horoscope as giving some insights into what that experience may have been like for the individual was being carried and who was then born and mothered. She spoke in particular of planets at hard angles (mainly squares) to the nodal axis as helping to characterize those experiences. I have both traditional malefic planets--Mars and Saturn--on my nodal axis, square to my Sun-Neptune conjunction in Scorpio. It seems as if there is tendency there indicating tensio and struggle.

She also spoke of the 4th house of the horoscope as representing not only one's family of origin, but heredity in general, including family secrets.

With these ideas in mind, I was able to consider that my difficulties with my mother most likely did not begin when I came out during the summer after college. Nor did family secrets begin with my being gay. Rather, it seems to me that the emotional charge around this issue seems to have been amplified by the pre-existence of emotional-psychological struggles in my relationship with my family (and with my mother in particular) and of the remaining effects of family secrets. Every family has secrets, but some are more effectively covered up or legitimated by factors such as heterosexual privilege, sexism, religious taboos, etc. Those of us who are less well protected by these conventional mechanisms can be subjected to unusual amounts of projection when our deviations from the expected family and cultural scripts become exposed.


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