Khalid Hussain (khalid_hussain) wrote,
Khalid Hussain

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Četvrtak 12 Džumade-l-ula 1438

Planet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Jupiter

Prophet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Moses

The Sun is in 20 Aquarius (in my 6th house) A disappointed and disillusioned woman courageously faces a seemingly empty life. (Symbol for 21 Aquarius from Dane Rudhyar, An Astrological Mandala)

The Moon is at 24Can40 (in my 11th house). Lunar mansion (according to Ibn 'Arabi): 9, The Sphere without Stars, The Zodical Towers, letter Jīm, The Independent, The Rich (Al-Ghanī)

Lunar phase: Gibbous - Overcoming (Phase names and keywords from Dane Rudhyar, The Lunation Cycle)

Haindl Tarot: Ace of Cups in the North

About an hour before sabah (fedžr), the Moon will enter Leo (in my 11th house). About 6 hours after that, the Moon will transit my natal North Node (in my 11th house). About 2 hours after that, Mercury will transit my natal South Node (in my 5th house).

This past day I taught, went to three meetings, and had a bone density scan done. I also finished reading Dane Rudhyar's section on the 6th house in his book, The Astrological Houses. This was one of the first astrology books I read, and at that time I didn't have a very subtle sense of astrological symbolism or much experience of the kinds of personal and spiritual crises he often describes in his writings. This time, the sense of being tested by encountering limitations following experiences of expansion and intensified self-expression made more sense to me. In fact, the Sabian symbol for the Sun cited above describes a similar type of experience, and happens to be the first complete astrological degree inside my 6th house.

As I reflected back on experiences of this type, it occurred to me that two notable instances coincided with outer planets transiting my natal Chiron in my 6th house: the dissolution of my friendship with X in 2004-05, and the death of one of my cats in 2014. With respect to the crises that occurred in the context of the Amma group, I find that I am sometimes still left with the sense that I may have abandoned a process that was occurring through those crises, and that it might in some way have been better for me to remain affiliated with the group in order to see that process through to its completion. On the other hand, my subjective experience was that, following the crises in my friendships with X and with Y, I was unable to find stimuli of comparable intensity within the group and my experience there seemed rather stagnant and, perhaps, inhibiting to further growth. Even though I felt unable to find sufficient support in working through my difficulties within the context of the group itself--I turned also to writings from outside of the organization, to friends outside of the group, to spritual-seeker friends (such as Sufis) who sometimes participated in the Amma programs but who were not initiates into the organization, to therapists who may or may not have understood the dynamics of groups such as the Amma organization, etc.--if I step back a little bit I can see how I continued to learn from members (or ex-members) of the Amma organization through online fora such as the ex-Amma Yahoo group and by reading the memoir of the woman who had been Amma's personal assistant for over 20 years. If I include these sources as supports with inside knowledge of the Amma organization, it could be the case that I really did see a process through to completion--a process that, as with the people in this latter category--involved separating from the guru and her organization. Of course, the process of this separation did not have the same kind of emotional charge as did my entrée into the group, or even my closest friendship during the "middle" period of my involvement with the group, but it did have a relentless quality of seeking to it: I must have read thousands of online posts about people's experiences with the Amma group and with other groups headed by charismatic leaders.

As I am trying to move my professional life into a more mature phase, it is occurring to me repeatedly that my primary path may ultimately be one of reading and largely solitary contemplation, supplemented by occasional participation in public religious rituals (such as džuma) or private gatherings for zikr, etc., but without a focus primarily on a close and intense master-disciple relationship. This ultimately may be the approach that is best for my life as a whole. Although the thought lingers that this indicates that I am somehow not conducting my spiritual life in quite the right way, it is also the case that my reading has been reinforcing the idea that some people pursue esotericism in a somewhat independent way. This is true for a number of astrologers, including Rudhyar, and also for people like Valentin Tomberg, who is believed to have been the author of the anonymous work, Meditations on the Tarot.

OK, I think I'll stop there for tonight. Laku noć.



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