Khalid Hussain (khalid_hussain) wrote,
Khalid Hussain

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Petak/Džuma 25 Džumade-l-uhra 1438

Planet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Venus

Prophet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Joseph

The Sun is in 3 Aries (in my 7th house) Two lovers strolling on a secluded walk. (Symbol for 4 Aries from Dane Rudhyar, An Astrological Mandala)

The Moon is at 11Aqu17 (in my 5th house). Lunar mansion (according to Ibn 'Arabi): 25, The Angels, letter Fā, The Strong (Al-Qawī)

Lunar phase: Last Quarter - Re-orientation (phase names and keywords from Dane Rudhyar, The Lunation Cycle)

Haindl Tarot: Father of Stones in the West - Old Man

In the morning, the Moon will enter its Balsamic phase, whose keyword is Release. (The Moon will be at 19Aqu07 in my 5th house and the Sun will be at 4Ari07 in my 7th house.) In the late morning, the Moon will enter my 6th house.

Worked at home this past day. Some progress on my presentation, but it feels like not enough.

Someone wrote in to the ex-Amma Yahoo group about having left the org fairly recently. (I think I may have mentioned this person previously). This has sparked some traffic on the list. One person posted a link to a video by Margaret Singer about the experience of leaving a cult. She talked about ways in which a family can invite a cult member to leave when he or she shows signs of wanting out.

This led me to think about how I have had to navigate my own way through late adolescence and early adulthood without family support. Neither of parents went to college, so I couldn't turn to them during the times when I was struggling with that experience. They were more intent on resenting that they had helped to provide me with opportunities that they had not had, so I risked being shamed or being blamed for bringing them down if I was experiencing conflicts. I had to deal with my sexuality on my own because I assumed they would not accept that, and that assumption turned out to be correct. Naturally, I had to keep any romantic conflicts or concerns about sexual health from them as well. Likewise for graduate school and professional career.

As a result, I have had to learn how to be vigilant, organized, and self-reliant. I tend, therefore, to resent lack of discipline and neediness in others. I simply don't have time for it because I have been working hard for so long to ensure my own survival and welfare.

Another thing that has been occurring to me lately is that my circumstances are not conducive to regular participation in an active tariqat. I do, however, have opportunities to spend time in solitude, if I can discipline myself to use those opportunities wisely.



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