Khalid Hussain (khalid_hussain) wrote,
Khalid Hussain

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Subota 12 Ramazan 1439

Planet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Saturn

Prophet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Abraham

The Sun is in 5 Gemini (in my 9th house): Workmen drilling for oil. (Symbol for 6 Gemini from Dane Rudhyar, An Astrological Mandala)

The Moon is at 0Sco42 (in my 2nd house). Lunar mansion (according to Ibn 'Arabi): 17, The Inferior Sky, Sky of the Moon and House of Adam, letter Dāl, The Evident (Al-Mubīn)

Lunar phase: Gibbous - Overcoming (phase names and keywords from Dane Rudhyar, The Lunation Cycle)

The Moon entered Scorpio (in my 2nd house) about 30 minutes ago.

There was a time when I would look at videos of guest performers at the local Bosnian mosque online and wonder if or when I would have the courage to show up there and perhaps experience something like that in person. Even after I started going there, I would often see evidence online after the fact that I had missed a guest I would like to have seen. Last night my timing was right and I was able to see and hear the imam from Bosnia and Ahmed Alili. My guess is that Alili is maybe 20 or 21 years old. I believe he studies at the Islamic academy in Sarajevo. His famous father (who I met in 2016) is the imam of the grand mosque in Zagreb. He was invited to call the ezan last night and it was so beautiful that I was almost in tears. The guest imam led prayers for jacija ('isha) and for the first 4 raka'at of teravih. Then Ahmed led the rest of teravih and vitr namaz. Again, it was amazingly beautiful. Afterward, the guests sang some ilahis. The crowd thinned out at that point, so the atmosphere was quite intimate. At around 11:45 p.m., the local imam announced that they would be taking a break. I wasn't sure when they would be reconvening, nor did I know how late they planned to go, so I left to go home at that point. Men, women, and children were hanging out outside as I left, and some were standing around a bonfire that was burning fragrant wood. Clearly, I go there because it's like being transported into a different world. Last night was definitely that.

On another topic, I was re-reading Mary Fortier Shea's book on solar return charts yesterday. In the past few years I have been using her book as an aid in interpreting my solar return charts. The current year's solar return chart, along with its associated transits, etc., was remarkably appropriate to some things that have transpired during my current solar return year (Nov 1-Oct 31). I was reading yesterday about the period of the solar return's significance: "The significance of the solar return runs birthday to birthday with a three month overlap at the beginning and end of each year. ... Many times there is even an event exactly three months before the birthday which triggers awareness and signals the beginning of the new solar return." (Shea, p. 4) Three months prior to the beginning of the current solar return year, my husband and I were on vacation with his family while our house was being sided. Our (at that time) surviving cat was at home and was being checked on by our pet sitter. (The cat's sister had passed away three years previously, shortly after we returned from another vacation.) Just as the academic year was beginning, and coinciding with a difficult transit to a sensitive point in my solar return chart for 2017-18, our cat suffered a stroke. Back to Shea: "The main transitional month for the change from the old solar return to the new solar return is the month directly preceding the birthday." (p. 5) Yes: in October, three weeks before my birthday, our cat passed away. True, it is heartbreaking to lose an animal, especially one that one has had for 20 years. What I realized yesterday, however, was that both losing our cat and having our house sided were two manifestations of a common theme: symbolically letting go of remaining ties to our previous life in the city where we lived prior to moving here, and committing more fully to our situation in the present. Having the house wrapped in vinyl (which is the most expensive house project we have undertaken so far) is almost symbolic of "sealing" our current living situation. Before October had run its course, we adopted the cat that we have now.

I have noticed a similar pattern in other cases, particularly those involving our move here (which is when I began to track life events using astrology). I moved here in the hope of advancing to a better job than the one I left behind (that part is debatable), and three weeks after we moved here my mother was diagnosed with malignant brain cancer. Five years later, I achieved my goal of being granted tenure: about a month after that my mother heard me perform in public for the last time, and by the end of that calendar year she was gone. A few years after that, my husband returned to school in the hope of changing careers: a few months after that, his mother suffered a fall that set in motion the process of her decline. As he was nearing the end of his program (and the beginning of his new career), his mother passed away.

Where I am going with this is to consider that major turning points in one's life often have more than one aspect. I will not concede to a cliché such as, "One door closes and another opens." Rather, I choose to recognize significant experiences of loss for what they are, and to acknowledge that healing from them takes time: a lot of it. But I am hoping to encourage myself to recognize that experience is complex and, even though one aspect of a given life transition tends to monopolize one's attention initially, over time other--less initially pressing--aspects from these periods begin to reveal themselves more clearly. Ultimately, the good and the bad seem to have connections that make them both appear, in retrospect, more necessary and appropriate than may have been the case at the time.

Last night at the mosque, after having a deeply devotional experience comparable to ones I had experienced in tariqats and in the Amma org, I considered that, in part, the persistent sense of alienation that I experience in my job and in my (general lack of a) social life in my current environment can contribute to a deepening of spiritual sensitivity. This does not for one moment exonerate people in my environment who, in my view, should have been more sensitive and more supportive and who should have done a better job of understanding me and my needs. It does, however, open up some more positive space for me. Rather than feel quite as victimized by these people's failings (which I think are real, and not just a matter of my own personal, egocentric perspective), it becomes a little easier to allow their faults to accrue to them while I find more ways to seek out the things I need in my life. That is to say, I am not crediting them for sending me in positive directions indirectly: rather, I am crediting myself (and ultimately Allah džellešanuhu) for leading me into a more positive place in spite of the limitations I have encountered in my environment. It's not as if the people with whom I have been frustrated are suddently better people in my eyes, but it is rather that I am feeling slightly more confident that I can move forward positively, with or without them.



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