Khalid Hussain (khalid_hussain) wrote,
Khalid Hussain
khalid_hussain

  • Music:

Subota 15 Rebiu-l-ahir 1440

Planet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Saturn

Prophet of the day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Abraham

The Sun is in 0 Capricorn (in my 4th house): An Indian chief claims power from the assembled tribe. (Symbol for 1 Capricorn from Dane Rudhyar, An Astrological Mandala)

The Moon is at 29Gem07 (in my 10th house). Lunar mansion (according to Ibn 'Arabi): 7, The Throne, letter Qā, The All-Encompassing (Al-Muḥīṭ)

Lunar phase: Gibbous - Overcoming (phase names and keywords from Dane Rudhyar, The Lunation Cycle)

About an hour after the previous akšam, the Sun entered Capricorn (in my 4th house). In about an hour and a half, the Moon will enter Cancer (in my 10th house). About an hour and twenty minutes after that, the Moon will enter its Full Moon phase, whose keyboard is Fulfillment.

My issue at the moment is that I read my student evaluations for my freshman class for this semester and the numbers were lower than I had hoped for. The comments, however, were not as brutal I had feared.

I struggled with work-related disappointments and frustrations this semester, and I am aware that if I "project" "negativity," it can "make" students uneasy, and this will often show up in their evaluations of my "teaching."

Why do we live like this? Why is the only official record of our work this?

Of course, I have fantasies of projecting the student comments on the screen for all to see on the first day of classes next semester. Like most such fantasies, I will probably suppress the impulse and not act on it.

I mustn't ever be "negative" at work: it only upsets people.

From the beginning of my time at this institution, I have felt uncomfortable there. I have repeatedly wondered how it is that my work could be so underappreciated there. Maybe I'm just mediocre at everything I do professionally. Earlier in my life, admissions committees saw some promise for success. As a first-generation college students, I was admitted to Yale, Harvard, Haverford College, Amherst College, and the institution where I now work. My first round of graduate school applications wasn't terribly successful: there were two offers of admission, two rejections, and no offers of fellowship support. On my second round of applications, one year later (after following the advice of a faculty member from one of the institutions where I had applied the previous year, i.e. to enroll in a graduate seminar, produce some fresh work, and ask for new letters of recommendation), I received four offers of admission with full fellowship support at each. The first time I applied for tenure-track positions, I went on two interviews and was hired by one of the institutions. The next time I applied for a tenure-track position I went one interview and was hired. I was granted tenure on my first try at promotion. Further, there have been semesters when I have received letters of commendation on my teaching evaluations, such as spring 2017 and fall 2017, teaching the same curriculum from the same text in essentially the same way I taught it this semester. And yet, I feel it is impossible for me to sustain a record of success of this institution.


Peace,

KH
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