Khalid Hussain (khalid_hussain) wrote,
Khalid Hussain

  • Music:

Nedjelja 13 Ševval 1440

Planet of the (Islamic) day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Sun

Prophet of the (Islamic) day (according to Ibn 'Arabi): Idris (Enoch)

Planetary day and hour (Western): day of the Sun, hour of Saturn

The Sun is in 25 Gemini (in my 10th house): Frost-covered trees against winter skies. (Symbol for 26 Gemini from Dane Rudhyar, An Astrological Mandala)

The Moon is at 21Sag08 (in my 4th house). Lunar mansion (according to Ibn 'Arabi): 21, The Earth, letter Ṣād, The Death-Giver (Al-Mumīt)

Lunar phase: Gibbous  - Overcoming (phase names and keywords from Dane Rudhyar, The Lunation Cycle)

This morning, the Moon entered my 4th house. About an hour after that, Mercury entered my 11th house. About an hour ago, the Moon  transited my natal Moon (in my 4th house). About an hour after sabah (fedžr), the Moon will enter its Full Moon phase.

The other day it occurred to me to review the last time that Jupiter had transited my natal Moon. I had one such transit in February and another at the beginning of June. There will be a third and final one this year in mid-October. Prior to that, however, Jupiter transited my natal Moon in early November 2007. That was just a few days after my mother entered home hospice.

In retrospect, that turned out to be a pivotal year for me. Earlier that year I had been promoted to associate professor and was awarded tenure. One of the first things I did for myself was to enroll in a correspondence course in astrology. It turned out that that course was too advanced for where I was at that time, and I did not complete it. A few years later, that astrologer died. Another thing that happened that year was that I gave the last musical performance that my mother was able to attend.

There were a number of ways that year, and the beginning of the next, spelled the beginning of the end of my time in the Amma organization. My second close friend in that organization had gone to India at the end of 2006. After he came back, our friendship seemed weakened, although I tried to maintain it nonetheless.

I recall also that the people in satsang seemed to know the right things to say during my mother's illness, but after she passed away, I felt alone and out of place with my grief. Perhaps that's a normal phase of the grief process, but I remember that it led me to feel that the time I had been investing in satsang and in friendships with Amma devotees was starting to seem like a poor investment.

Added to that were anti-Muslim prejudices in the satsang that came to the surface during the Israeli assault on Gaza in late 2007 and early 2008. I recall seeking out alternative perspectives. I began exploring Peter Wilberg's work at around that time, and I became aware of Rabbi Michael Lerner's work then as well.

Effectively, I was beginning to turn leftward, and I was also beginning to move out of a reflexively self-critical space every time I experienced a conflict of perspective with someone and into a more other-critical, self-protective space. Essentially, my mother had passed and I was beginning to give myself more permission to continue the process of growing up. This included moving--in my self-awareness--beyond the model of the nuclear family as I had known it up until that point in my life, as well as weakening my emotional attachments to surrogate family environments in which I would be able to partcipate whole-heartedly only by suppressing any thoughts or awareness that appeared to run counter to the ideologies that seemed to sustain the people within those surrogate family environments.

Although I felt pained and conflicted at the time, now I can see that this was a necessary process of growth for me.

During this time I drew closer to the work of David Sylvian, who had also been an Amma devotee for a number of years. His involvement extended to offering his home at one point to function as a New England ashram. That did not take place, and he ended up divorcing his wife, who was also a devotee. The satsang leader had only negative things to say about him, but as I became more acquainted with his work, I acknowledged its importance in helping to pave a way for me out of the "cult."

Okay, I think those are enough musings for now.



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