Khalid Hussain (khalid_hussain) wrote,
Khalid Hussain


OK, so the dream that seems to have been connected with a shift in energy went something like this ...

I was facing a young man who was seated on the floor. He seemed to be about 21. I must have been sitting or kneeling myself. I drew close to him and thanked him for the limited sexual experiences we had had recently. I sensed that this might be a transitory situation and felt myself trying not to attach too much importance to it, though it did feel good to be opening up energetically in connection with it. I was aware of being in relationship to my partner, and to feeling that this situation was not a serious threat to our relationship (though others might disagree). He seemed a bit impassive but not disagreeable. He also seemed to have a rather square face, a relatively athletic build (moreso than I, which wouldn't need to be much of an achievement), and was perhaps not very tall. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that there was a dark-haired, athletically built young man waiting for him. This other young man seemed as if he were in some physcal discomfort, as if he were waiting for the first young man to give him a massage or an energetic healing. I kissed the first young man lightly on the lips and left. I had an expansive feeling in my heart, which persisted after I woke up and that keeps coming back in waves.

The next day it occurred to me that the first young man seemed to resemble Harry McVeigh of White Lies. I went to their website and found out about their iTunes festival concert and watched it. I enjoyed it and felt a heart-level resonance, like I used to when I first discovered The Killers. Maybe it's just a bored and emotionally shut-down middle-aged rockstar fantasy, but I'm not so sure. Sometimes I think that specific feelings can get triggered by certain pop music and it's okay to just go with it.

Today I found myself seeking out Kali stotrams online, and I actually said the mantra that I received from Amma, for the first time in months. It brought up feelings I hadn't had in a long time. I then went to the Devi Mandir site and downloaded Swami's audio lectures from the Kali Puja book, and I ordered the book and accompanying CD. Somehow, my recitation of Amma's 108 Names and the Lalita Sahasranama became very formulaic and stale, and eventually I gave it up. But maybe if I explore a relationship to Kali by a different route, it might bring me closer to where I feel I want to be (which is strong but also more emotionally vital than I've been recently).

I also did a little bit of searching online for things like Kali pujas locally and Kali initiations, and found that there is an organization that has started holding annual Kali pujas in my state. The first was last year, in a high school auditorium, and the second is planned for this year, specific location TBD. Evidently they are not connected with the main Hindu temple in the state. I also found reference to a shamanic healer who comes from the part of India that Amma comes from. I've read an interview with him, and naturally I've been looking for bad reports, but I haven't found any yet (other than a couple of people claiming that his books are fictional). I have a friend who seems to have benefited from traditional healers from Mexico. When I found this reference to a Kali priest and healer today, it seemed as if I might have found a counterpart that I could potentially resonate with.

So, it seems as if this may a "turn" back to Hindu (perhaps pseudo-Hindu) mysticism.

Om Krim Kalyai Namaha,



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