I was at least able to give voice to some of my frustrations with the organization (which the satsang leader shares) and to describe my current priorities, while putting out some feelers about some of the resources I'm currently finding helpful.
It was okay, and I'll go as I can, but not as frequently as I used to when I was trying to go every week unless I had work-related conflicts.
I think my basic dilemma is that I don't do well with the social dimension of the spiritual paths I have tried to follow. There are individual I sometimes meet in those settings that can stir up interesting feelings, but friendships with them tend to become unstable and ultimately dissolve. On the other hand, there are people who are steadier, but who I generally find to be rather dull and resigned--or at least I would consider myself resigned if I considered their apparent attitudes toward life to be a norm for myself.
I guess I'm facing that I'm willing to put in some time and effort to participate socially in spiritual pursuits, but I also need to reserve time for my own interests, including spiritual and/or artistic/philosophical interests that find no place in the spiritually-oriented social environments I've been able to find. I'd like to find company that is actually engaging without my having to make excuses for it, but since I don't live in a major city, this is probably impossible, or at least highly improbable. And, believe me, teaching at the kind of university that I do just doesn't do it for me.
So, there we are.