This morning I was reading a passage about years when the Moon is foregrounded in the solar return chart. I don't know if that's what was going on with me during the early Amma period, but I do know that my natal Moon was being impacted by transiting Pluto at that time. In any event, there was an atmosphere that Eshelman evoked in his description of this kind of experience that brought me right back to the kinds of experiences and motivations I had during that period. The good news is that, having drunk deeply from the vulnerability and (frustrated) attempts to have primal emotional needs met at that time, something else has kicked in and I have turned decisively against that kind of approach. I think that prioritizing my work, and pacing myself so that I may be more clear-headed and less conflicted about what I'm doing with my time, is part of this change. So, it's not necessary to be ashamed about the vulnerability I used to feel during that period, nor is it necessary to occupy myself with plotting revenge should anyone try to put me in a similar situation in the future: it's probably the case that the need for that kind of experience has passed, and may never so fully come my way again.
Om Kreem Kalyai Namaha,