What I see now that I did not see then was that, in agreeing to give him another chance, I was actually playing right into the hands of a cyclical pattern of abuse. Now, there are some people who suggested that I may somehow have been getting off on playing masochist to his sadism or whatever. What I can say about that now is that anyone who was not in my shoes at that time had no fucking right to criticize me in any way whatsoever. I would not actually begin therapy until later that month, so I cannot claim that I was somehow receiving expert advice and choosing to ignore it.
Even though there were clearly damaging patterns of manipulation in my family, it seems to me now that I was simply unaccustomed to and inexperienced in dealing with manipulation and abuse that was so brazen as that which was coming from X. Now that I know better, cutting people out of my life immediately, raging at them--whatever it takes--is what will happen.
Thanks for the memories, lol.
Om Kreem Kalyai Namaha,